Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
