Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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