I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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