Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
