I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Randomize
