My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
