i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
