I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
