Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
