Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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