We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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