people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize