The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
