so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
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My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
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If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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