they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
