I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
