For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
