I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Randomize
