the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize