not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
