Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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