wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
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Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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