You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
