The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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