Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
