Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
