i just sent this text using only my big toe
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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