We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
