Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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