dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
