I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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