Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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