beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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