Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
