I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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