At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
