ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
