You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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