I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
