I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
