I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
