pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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