So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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