but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
