I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
