You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
