fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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