Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
