A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My dick has a subreddit
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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