I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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