So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
