just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize