I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Randomize
