Im at strip club and am horny
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
