how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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