Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
