I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
