dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
